I poured the creamy gluten free batter onto the hot pan and watched the "silver dollar" sized pancakes fluff and bubble in the oil. Goddamn that looks so good. I thought, already reaching for the honey I was going to drench my treat in.
I'd spent the better portion of my day trying to will myself into an idea for a blog post. I thought: I'll write about texting etiquette! ...No. I'll write about my feelings toward certain men in my life that are itching away at my subconscious! ...I can't formulate my feelings on that yet. My brain kept buzzing lazily around the idea that these guys could then read the post and then know all this important stuff about how I feel (which, let's be honest, they probably could already guess at or know at this point) but, the fear stayed my hand and I instead turned to my comfort food: pancakes.
When I was a little girl, my dad would set out the ingredients for home-made 'cakes and we'd carefully pour the dry ingredients into a bowl that felt like the size of a small tub. I'd then be given the very important task of mixing the dry ingredients before the wet ones would be added. I took my job very seriously, until realizing that when all the flour and baking powder and sugar has been added, one can make the best mountains and valleys with a spoon. Dad always cracked the egg into the allotted valley I deemed fit for the yellow egg and then, with great joy, I'd smoosh the egg into the white flour mixture and watch as the batter turned into the creamy goo I'd get to lick out of the bottom after all the contents had been poured onto the buttered skillet.
To say I have a soft spot for pancakes is a gross understatement: it is one of my favorite treats. I find it says "I love you" in the morning when I've made it for boyfriends in the past, and its says "I love you" in the evenings when I am alone in my kitchen, writing about the woes of being single. I always take my flap-jacks with honey. Occasionally I may douse them in maple syrup, but only if there is no honey around. I don't know where I picked up my honey habit, but I don't remember not eating it. And, frankly, I'm surprised so many people I've run in to don't eat their pancakes with honey: it's delicious! Sticky, sweet, gooey, tangy (almost) it's a fantastic companion to a hot 'cake and goes really well with a cool cup of milk.
This is incredible. Give me a food topic to work on, and I'll go on for days. Get me to sit down and work out my anxiety, excitement and worry over the dumb boys in my life and I'm stuck.
When in doubt, go for the breakfast comfort food, that's my honey :) They'll never get confusing on me.
Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Sorry, Not Interested.
What? I can't hear you over the music! My friends are over there, yeah. I'm not alone... What was that? Sorry. I need to go and pretend like I've got an important question my friends want me to answer. I don't care about what whisky you're drinking. Byeeee.
One Magners please. Um, I see you staring at my butt. Uh huh. You want to know all about me, huh? Like my interests and stuff? Oh and you're only over here because you want to say hi because you got a promotion today!? Wow. That's sooooo great. And that's your brother over there? Yeah, he's... he looks nice in that stained Devil's jersey. Ok, I need to go and wander over to the other side of the bar now.
Hey, bartender? I need another Magne-- Oh no. Not you again. Yup, butt's still attached to me. And I'm still not interested. I am going home alone tonight. Gotta' go.
I'm really enjoying myself! This party is fun! I'm getting buzzed. This hard cider is yummy. Woah. You're pretty drunk. Your eyes are lingering on me a bit too long. Isn't your girlfriend here? I'll check my phone even though I know I have no new texts and the only phone call I had today was from my Dad.
Yeah I LOVE doing that thing that you said you love to do! Oh wow. We have so much in common! I'm going to touch my chest and fluff my hair a lot as I talk to you. I'll even put my hands on my hips and try and look a little vulnerable and shy so you don't feel threatened in your manliness. Fuck. I feel fake. I'm going to trail off in a sentence and wander away.
I'm done. I'm pretty buzzed. I'm in a cab now, going home alone. No new texts, no weird drunk messages. Just me. I'd rather be honest and comfortable in my single-ness, than fake, uncomfortable and weird with someone I don't really like or know.
See you soon, bar scene.
One Magners please. Um, I see you staring at my butt. Uh huh. You want to know all about me, huh? Like my interests and stuff? Oh and you're only over here because you want to say hi because you got a promotion today!? Wow. That's sooooo great. And that's your brother over there? Yeah, he's... he looks nice in that stained Devil's jersey. Ok, I need to go and wander over to the other side of the bar now.
Hey, bartender? I need another Magne-- Oh no. Not you again. Yup, butt's still attached to me. And I'm still not interested. I am going home alone tonight. Gotta' go.
I'm really enjoying myself! This party is fun! I'm getting buzzed. This hard cider is yummy. Woah. You're pretty drunk. Your eyes are lingering on me a bit too long. Isn't your girlfriend here? I'll check my phone even though I know I have no new texts and the only phone call I had today was from my Dad.
Yeah I LOVE doing that thing that you said you love to do! Oh wow. We have so much in common! I'm going to touch my chest and fluff my hair a lot as I talk to you. I'll even put my hands on my hips and try and look a little vulnerable and shy so you don't feel threatened in your manliness. Fuck. I feel fake. I'm going to trail off in a sentence and wander away.
I'm done. I'm pretty buzzed. I'm in a cab now, going home alone. No new texts, no weird drunk messages. Just me. I'd rather be honest and comfortable in my single-ness, than fake, uncomfortable and weird with someone I don't really like or know.
See you soon, bar scene.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
A How To Guide For Bagging Your Hottie
The Dating Game For Singles: How To Bag Your Hottie.
Step 1: You're both at a function of some sort: party, bar, birthday, fundraiser, etc. It's important to put yourself "out there." Being home all the time is pretty difficult to meet someone new and fun. Best functions to go to involve your friends inviting friends-of-friends so that if you guys meet you have a bit of a common background (i.e. You know Sarah, too? Cool! How'd you meet? etc.)
Step 2: When at the function you look and feel as best as you can. I know, especially after a break-up, one can feel like a total turd. My sense is that guys/girls totally pick up on that and stay away from your desperate eye contact. So, fake it 'til you make it. Put on a smart, somewhat sexy get-up that makes you feel confident, grab a beer, and stick with your friend group for a bit; laugh a lot, chat, look like you're having a great time.
Step 3: While pretending to listen to your friend talk about which flavor of lip gloss they have on, scope out your choices. This is a great time to select a target. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, try and choose maybe 2 or 3 guys/girls that you'd like to talk to.
Step 4: Approach target Number 3 first. I don't advise going in for the kill on Numero Uno right off the bat. Make some rounds about the room, cover some bases. Guy/Girl #3 may turn out to be eh, okay, but at least you managed to make a trip from the friend group. Keep an eye out for your number 1, odds are they may have noticed you looking in their direction and, therefore, you are on their radar.
Step 5: Find an in. Be creative here. This is the chance when you can make your way over to your number 1. Maybe #1 went to get another beer and you can saddle over and chat with their friends a bit. Nothing better than to be introduced through their friends "Tina, this is Josh. He's friends with Margot, we just met." Bingo!
Step 6: Begin zeroing in. Chat lightly. Nothing heavy or scary here. Be witty if you can, try not to feel nervous or desperate. You know you still have number 2 flitting around here somewhere so if this doesn't work you can make your way over to someone else. Laugh a lot. Maybe make contact a few times by lightly touching their arm. Make eye contact. Listen, don't let the eye roam unless you know this is not what you want.
Step 7: Go away for a while. Ok. You've made the introduction. You've chatted a bit. Don't smother. Politely make an excuse to bow out and make your way back to your friend group. Maybe grab another drink or see a friend you want to say hello to. Look popular, confident, but not like an asshole.
Step 8: Get your #1 to find you. Be conspicuous. Be open. But, let that person seek you out. Maybe you can try and chat with your #2 a bit here. Dance on the dance floor a little.
Step 9: If #1 finds you, you are on the gravy train. If they don't, make sure you say 'Bye' before leaving, thank them for a nice chat. They may want to talk a bit longer and then you can swap numbers. Be open to possibilities, though. Try not to be crushed. Always remember there are plenty of fish in the sea.
If you and your number 1 really hit it off, then by all means let that conversation take you where you need to go. Hell, if it's a really great chat maybe you'll get to have a make-out. But, don't expect anything; just be ready for anything.
Step 1: You're both at a function of some sort: party, bar, birthday, fundraiser, etc. It's important to put yourself "out there." Being home all the time is pretty difficult to meet someone new and fun. Best functions to go to involve your friends inviting friends-of-friends so that if you guys meet you have a bit of a common background (i.e. You know Sarah, too? Cool! How'd you meet? etc.)
Step 2: When at the function you look and feel as best as you can. I know, especially after a break-up, one can feel like a total turd. My sense is that guys/girls totally pick up on that and stay away from your desperate eye contact. So, fake it 'til you make it. Put on a smart, somewhat sexy get-up that makes you feel confident, grab a beer, and stick with your friend group for a bit; laugh a lot, chat, look like you're having a great time.
Step 3: While pretending to listen to your friend talk about which flavor of lip gloss they have on, scope out your choices. This is a great time to select a target. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, try and choose maybe 2 or 3 guys/girls that you'd like to talk to.
Step 4: Approach target Number 3 first. I don't advise going in for the kill on Numero Uno right off the bat. Make some rounds about the room, cover some bases. Guy/Girl #3 may turn out to be eh, okay, but at least you managed to make a trip from the friend group. Keep an eye out for your number 1, odds are they may have noticed you looking in their direction and, therefore, you are on their radar.
Step 5: Find an in. Be creative here. This is the chance when you can make your way over to your number 1. Maybe #1 went to get another beer and you can saddle over and chat with their friends a bit. Nothing better than to be introduced through their friends "Tina, this is Josh. He's friends with Margot, we just met." Bingo!
Step 6: Begin zeroing in. Chat lightly. Nothing heavy or scary here. Be witty if you can, try not to feel nervous or desperate. You know you still have number 2 flitting around here somewhere so if this doesn't work you can make your way over to someone else. Laugh a lot. Maybe make contact a few times by lightly touching their arm. Make eye contact. Listen, don't let the eye roam unless you know this is not what you want.
Step 7: Go away for a while. Ok. You've made the introduction. You've chatted a bit. Don't smother. Politely make an excuse to bow out and make your way back to your friend group. Maybe grab another drink or see a friend you want to say hello to. Look popular, confident, but not like an asshole.
Step 8: Get your #1 to find you. Be conspicuous. Be open. But, let that person seek you out. Maybe you can try and chat with your #2 a bit here. Dance on the dance floor a little.
Step 9: If #1 finds you, you are on the gravy train. If they don't, make sure you say 'Bye' before leaving, thank them for a nice chat. They may want to talk a bit longer and then you can swap numbers. Be open to possibilities, though. Try not to be crushed. Always remember there are plenty of fish in the sea.
If you and your number 1 really hit it off, then by all means let that conversation take you where you need to go. Hell, if it's a really great chat maybe you'll get to have a make-out. But, don't expect anything; just be ready for anything.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Getting Dumped: 2012 Style
I feel like I just got dumped because I never heard back from Cutie yesterday after my prompt of "You doing anything tonight?" never got a response. After concluding that that was the "I'm breaking this off" text that wasn't actually sent, I hung up my Cutie "hat" and moved on. I am not devastated, nor am I in need of any consolation. I got the message loud and clear. I am left wondering at the way we communicate now in this silent culture of texting, though.
Cutie was a fascinating relationship in that I would categorize the entire interaction as a series of one night stands with the same guy. We saw each other for about 5 weeks, about once a week, and after every time I wondered if I would ever really see the guy again. The relationship was just that "casual." I have a voicemail that Cutie left on my phone by accident. I lost my phone in his room and had him call me, then he forgot to turn off his phone so I have a 45 second voicemail with no content except some background noise. I listened to it the other day and thought it was a perfect metaphor for our interaction: silence, little content, and a forgetfulness thrown in there for good measure.
In fact, Serendipity (the last boyfriend) and I had very little interaction on the phone as well. I'd send a text and get a response back in a couple hours. We talked on the phone, meaningfully, once. Otherwise, our entire relationship was a texting match or a phone call just to iron out a detail that the texting couldn't. In comparison to the first relationship I had where texts actually cost money and we had to call one another to figure out what the hell we were doing that evening, the last few guys I've dated have been all texts. I only spoke to Dominos on the phone once, and that was to break up with him!
So, I feel like now I can trump the "I got dumped with a text" statement and say: "I got dumped with a 5 hour grace period I gave him to respond to my booty call and heard nothing, so I'm assuming we're done through his use of the choice of a Non-Text." No message, but I get it loud and clear. So, I won't respond to your non response and you can take that non-commital answer as a rebuttal to your first non-commital non-response.
And, anyway: I have a pretty exciting date tomorrow night with an MFA student whose going to Columbia. Hah!
I'm Non-Texting the world right now with how much I love being single. Right. Now....
Cutie was a fascinating relationship in that I would categorize the entire interaction as a series of one night stands with the same guy. We saw each other for about 5 weeks, about once a week, and after every time I wondered if I would ever really see the guy again. The relationship was just that "casual." I have a voicemail that Cutie left on my phone by accident. I lost my phone in his room and had him call me, then he forgot to turn off his phone so I have a 45 second voicemail with no content except some background noise. I listened to it the other day and thought it was a perfect metaphor for our interaction: silence, little content, and a forgetfulness thrown in there for good measure.
In fact, Serendipity (the last boyfriend) and I had very little interaction on the phone as well. I'd send a text and get a response back in a couple hours. We talked on the phone, meaningfully, once. Otherwise, our entire relationship was a texting match or a phone call just to iron out a detail that the texting couldn't. In comparison to the first relationship I had where texts actually cost money and we had to call one another to figure out what the hell we were doing that evening, the last few guys I've dated have been all texts. I only spoke to Dominos on the phone once, and that was to break up with him!
So, I feel like now I can trump the "I got dumped with a text" statement and say: "I got dumped with a 5 hour grace period I gave him to respond to my booty call and heard nothing, so I'm assuming we're done through his use of the choice of a Non-Text." No message, but I get it loud and clear. So, I won't respond to your non response and you can take that non-commital answer as a rebuttal to your first non-commital non-response.
And, anyway: I have a pretty exciting date tomorrow night with an MFA student whose going to Columbia. Hah!
I'm Non-Texting the world right now with how much I love being single. Right. Now....
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
New York Lameness
"I feel like I'm eating cereal without milk with this guy." I said to my friend on the phone tonight. "Like, the crunchiness is good, and I really like cereal, but it's lacking a really important ingredient." I thought about the words coming out of my mouth. I've said these before, except more like in terms of Pizza. Dominos pizza. Oh my god, I've landed myself in a bowl of milk-less cereal with Cutie.
I sat down in my living room and joined my sister in her youtubing, internet surfing binge and thought about my life choices recently. Today, in the park where I had lunch with a couple of improv class mates, we discussed dating in New York. The brunette in our trio lamented her frustrations with finding reliably not-crazy men in this city and how even the not crazy ones are not in it for the long haul, or even the several week haul for that matter, it seems more like if something is amiss in even the slightest way, you just throw off the cloak of that person and pick out another hottie to start dating, because Lord knows there are a whooooole lot of hotties parading around this city all the time. I fought back a bit, using my logical answer of "As soon as I stopped caring, I found guys to start dating." Which has worked for me the last few months.
But, do I not care? I texted Cutie tonight to see if he was free and got a "Sorry I'm working late" response which I took to the next level of "Let's just call it here." I wished him luck with that late night project and then settled in to believing I'll never hear from him again. Jeesh, this cereal is crunchy and dry. And, I feel a little let down ...I thought I didn't really care!
Is everyone here in New York to be the best at their careers and just screw each other with no real emphasis on anything solid? I couldn't even tell you Cutie's favorite meal or any of the names of his siblings, and I've seen this guy a couple times. I do know he works hard, and that seems to be the real common denominator for everyone here. No one has free time. Hell, I don't have free time and I have a LOT of free time! But, not for hanging out. I have free time to surf the web and get a mani-pedi and do yoga and walk around aimlessly for hours, but for a trip to a hottie hot-spot? Nope. Too tired. Too busy. Even as I write this entry I think about how I could have stayed at the theatre I just watched improv at, and maybe struck up a couple of conversations with some hotties I saw walking in as I walked out.
Especially with this whole epidemic of weddings and babies I feel almost like I somehow got left behind a grade in the school of life. I don't feel old, nor do I feel as if all my good years are "Passing me by" but, I can now start to spill over onto my other hand with the number of people I know getting married and the number of people I know having babies is starting to rise as well.
I look at the "dry cereals" that walk the streets of this city and try not to become brittle and hard and cynical like so many of my girlfriends seem to be becoming as another less-than-great guy lets them down.
I need a vacation. New York is really great for a whole lot of things, but when it comes to dating, it can be pretty lame. Maybe I'll visit Chicago. Although, I hear Portland and Seattle have nothing but girl-starved guys. I have nothing but cereal over here! Let's get some substance into this meal and have a real breakfast!!
I sat down in my living room and joined my sister in her youtubing, internet surfing binge and thought about my life choices recently. Today, in the park where I had lunch with a couple of improv class mates, we discussed dating in New York. The brunette in our trio lamented her frustrations with finding reliably not-crazy men in this city and how even the not crazy ones are not in it for the long haul, or even the several week haul for that matter, it seems more like if something is amiss in even the slightest way, you just throw off the cloak of that person and pick out another hottie to start dating, because Lord knows there are a whooooole lot of hotties parading around this city all the time. I fought back a bit, using my logical answer of "As soon as I stopped caring, I found guys to start dating." Which has worked for me the last few months.
But, do I not care? I texted Cutie tonight to see if he was free and got a "Sorry I'm working late" response which I took to the next level of "Let's just call it here." I wished him luck with that late night project and then settled in to believing I'll never hear from him again. Jeesh, this cereal is crunchy and dry. And, I feel a little let down ...I thought I didn't really care!
Is everyone here in New York to be the best at their careers and just screw each other with no real emphasis on anything solid? I couldn't even tell you Cutie's favorite meal or any of the names of his siblings, and I've seen this guy a couple times. I do know he works hard, and that seems to be the real common denominator for everyone here. No one has free time. Hell, I don't have free time and I have a LOT of free time! But, not for hanging out. I have free time to surf the web and get a mani-pedi and do yoga and walk around aimlessly for hours, but for a trip to a hottie hot-spot? Nope. Too tired. Too busy. Even as I write this entry I think about how I could have stayed at the theatre I just watched improv at, and maybe struck up a couple of conversations with some hotties I saw walking in as I walked out.
Especially with this whole epidemic of weddings and babies I feel almost like I somehow got left behind a grade in the school of life. I don't feel old, nor do I feel as if all my good years are "Passing me by" but, I can now start to spill over onto my other hand with the number of people I know getting married and the number of people I know having babies is starting to rise as well.
I look at the "dry cereals" that walk the streets of this city and try not to become brittle and hard and cynical like so many of my girlfriends seem to be becoming as another less-than-great guy lets them down.
I need a vacation. New York is really great for a whole lot of things, but when it comes to dating, it can be pretty lame. Maybe I'll visit Chicago. Although, I hear Portland and Seattle have nothing but girl-starved guys. I have nothing but cereal over here! Let's get some substance into this meal and have a real breakfast!!
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