Boyfriend Interviews

I feel like I've now come to a new phase in the search for I-Don't-Know-What from the online dating world. My inbox is getting swelled every day by more and more messages, some more choice that others. (Hi Ms. Candy, How's it going?) Yesterday I was supposed to go on another double-decker date day. I cancelled both dates. The first was supposed to be with Ben (the guy who tried to kiss me in the subway) and the second was a first date with a guy I was going to have a picnic with down in Brooklyn. Honestly, going on more than four dates in a week is fun, at first, but now that I've rolled in to week 2 I've decided to slow down, and maybe by week three I'll stop all together.

Not to say that I feel like this was in any way a waste of time or was not good for a few laughs, but each new person I meet feels more and more like an interview.

Me: So, what do you for a living?

Guy A: I'm and actor.

B:I'm in marketing

C: I'm an entrepreneur.

D: I'm unemployed and laughing about it.

Me: Oh! That sounds really nice. I'm currently doing this, this and that.

Guy A: Wow. You sound really busy. How awesome.

B: You know, it's funny you should mention that...

C: (Silence) That's cool.

D: Haha! Me too!

Me: You're originally from :________? What brought you to New York?

Guy A: Love.

B: Life.

C: A Job.

D: I want to make it big, and since I'm a creative type it made sense to come here.

Me: Do you travel often?

Guy A: Yes! I've been everywhere from London to Timbuktu.

B: Um. Yeah, I visit home a lot.

C: Oy, geeze I really wish I could but I'm just so busy.

D: Did you hear about what happened in Sweden?

Me: ...um, you mean Norway? (idiot.)

I don't mind getting the e-mails either. Sometimes its nice to come home after a long day and check the inbox for ego-inflating messages about my freckles or my smile or how cute it is that I like watermelon. Pecs_and_the_city called me Candy. Catsdotbiz said he thought I was "original and Oh, so refreshing". Last night I got a message from a guy in Venezuela who asked what the hell I was doing on OKCupid; that a girl like me should just walk into a room and wink at someone and that'll save me a lot of time.

If only it were that simple. For now, though, I think I'll wean myself off the nice e-mails and go back to being more of an anonymous chick_in_the_city and let random chance sort out my dating life. Job interviews are exhausting enough on their own. Boyfriend interviews? Ugh. I think I'll try my hand at winking again.

Shopping Around

It seems everyone has their own opinions and metaphors on Love and finding "The One"

I guess I would lump myself into the category of "exploratory and positive" yet, somehow I can't shake this feeling that what I mean by "exploratory" is: I am Shopping for a guy that will fit. I emphasize Shopping because in many respects it is almost the same experience to pick up a piece of clothing at a store, feel the fabric, check the price, look over the color, maybe walk around the store with it. And, if one feels really inclined: go into the dressing room and try the thing on. But, for me anyway, I can shop for hours and never buy anything.

...And that's just clothing. Clothing doesn't have an opinion of you. Nor does clothing feel hurt if you spend a long time deciding if you want to buy it, but then dump it in the baby toys section before heading out to go on with the rest of your day.

I'm in the throes of learning how to say "No, Thanks. You seem nice, but I've decided I'm not interested." I've never been very good at saying no. When offered something (especially something free) the penny-pinching-twenty-something that I am rears her fickle head and cries: "But think of the bargain!! THINK OF IT!" Like: Grandma offering me more cake, even though I've already had two pieces, the voice says: "Cake? Delicious cake? and it's free? third piece is always a charm! screw feeling sick, the cake will make me feel better!"

So: As I enter date #2 with several of these fellas, I have a very strong feeling that date #3 will not be an option for some of them. Because, date 2 means you've established a connection, but will that translate to another time and place, where you can't fall back on talking about what your parents do for a living? Is there enough chemistry to float awkward silences or lack of anything witty or original to say? And if date #2 goes relatively well: does date #3 mean that a kiss might be involved? (EEEEKK!!!) But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Live in the moment, right? Afterall, I'm only picking that dress off of the rack, I like the color and the texture, and it's sitting in my cart, but I haven't made my way to the dressing room yet. Nor do I have to...

I am about to get ready to go meet Josh: The first date #2.

The Call-Back's begin.

-Natalie

The Double-Decker

A few days ago, after my first OKCupid date with Josh (the Urban Farming Developer) who had been a real neat dude, I was feeling hopeful. I strolled into work after my walk on the Highline and greeted my fellow employees with a crisp new smile and a pop under my heels. There was a whole world of possibilities opening up to me, it seemed. I divulged some of this positivity to my co-worker, Steve. He smiled a little when I told him about my day. I'd been bemoaning my fate and my frustration about the men in my life (or lack-there-of) to him for the past few months, and it seemed that after the first few duds, I was on the up and up. Steve's got an Australian accent, rocks a completely shaved head, is married to an Australian Model, and is a really fun guy to gossip with about our boss and rants whenever he possibly can. When I finished detailing my walk with Josh, Steve said: "So, Nat, whot with the way things are goin', you could have the guys you meet pay for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinnah." I chuckled and thought that notion somewhat absurd.

Until Yesterday.

I'll keep a long, long story short. Two dates in one day is a lot to recount. Yesterday I met: Bill and Ben in Williamsburg. Just, not at the same time.

Breakfast: Williamsburg. 9:12am. Meet: Bill.

Me: (Walking in sweaty, red faced and embarrassed) Hi! You must be Bill! I am so sorry I am late. It took me longer to get here on my bike than I thought!

Bill: No biggie! I was enjoying cooling off by the fan anyway.

Me: So, nice to meet you (going in for a hug)

Bill: Same!

Me: Oh, sorry, I'm like, covered in sweat. Ha!

Bill: I totally understand, I just walked about five blocks and I was drenched.

Me: (Sitting down and noticing Bill's got a fruit bowl and Iced Latte) That looks good, I think I'll get that.

Bill: yeah! It is really tasty.

Me: (Standing up and knocking into the table: Iced Latte spills and dribbles on the floor. I wish I could dribble into a puddle next to it) Ohhh... I'm so sorry about that.

Bill: (looking like someone who wants to make a sarcastic remark, but feels too polite to do so yet) It's... OK.

Me: I'll just clean this up for you (scrubbing the table with a napkin that falls apart and crumbles into disgusting coffee-covered pills that roll around on the table and stick to everything)

Bill: So, you're an actor, right?

Bill and I talked for about 2 hours. He said he needed to leave for work around 10:30 and wound up staying until 11, which I took as a sign that despite my sweatiness and spilled coffee, I had charmed him. Before parting to go our separate ways we even discussed what eating a human would taste like and both agreed that if we had to, we would choose a moderately plump hipster female. Overall, he seemed like nice guy. I've started to imagine I've become a Casting Director of my own life, and I'm auditioning guys on the role of the romantic lead. Bill can have a call-back. We're meeting up again on Monday...

Williamsburg, 2:45pm. Meet: Ben.

I'm standing above ground right next to the entrance to the 'L' train. Ben said he was running late when I called. I put my phone away and wait. What's amazing to me is, despite having to wait in the hot afternoon heat, I managed to help 4 people out with directions. I don't even live in Williamsburg, but I whipped out my iphone and directed people to where they needed to go. I felt like I was supposed to wait on that corner for a half hour just to help people. I get a call: "Hey You! I'm above ground! Oh! I see you!" I scan the intersection. He's unmistakable. Ben comes rolling over to me on a skateboard, his hair a mop of blonde, he had playful Peter-Pan-esk eyes that looked like he'd been involved in quite a lot of mischief. "Hi! I'm Natalie, nice to meet you! Want to go into this Diner?"

Ben: Naw, that place? Have you eaten there before? yuck.

Me: (Actually I have eaten there before: with a guy named Sketch spelled with a 'K' but you don't need to know that, and I don't need to eat there again, on second thought) Got any recommendations for the area?

Ben: I want to get something healthy. I've been on a health kick lately.

We wind up going to a Thai place for lunch. It was perhaps, the worst food I have ever had. I pick at the garlic tofu and want to spit on my plate, but decide that would not be a very good first impression.

Me: So, you grew up in Sweden?

Ben: Yeah, I lived there until I was 13. (He blurts out several lines in Swedish)

Me: (This is scary. Why am I finding Swedes everywhere these days??) Wow. I only know, like two lines in Swedish. (I awkwardly say 'I'm tired' in Swedish) haha! But I'm not actually.

Ben: Woah. It's so strange to hear it coming out of another person's mouth. (He looks at me for a second longer than someone who is just making a passing comment) How's your Thai?

Me: Um... Pretty terrible. Haha!

Ben: Same here. This place sucks.

We walk over to the subway, I need to get to work. Ben's taking the 'L' back out to Bushwick and I am going into Manhattan. In the tunnel before we part:

Me: so, yeah send me a text or an e-mail and we can coordinate another meet up.

Ben: What about next Thursday? around this time?

Me: Sure. (I pull out my iphone and plug in the time, as I am doing so Ben leans in to kiss me.) WOAH! You move fast!

Ben: I really want to kiss you.

Me: Um, yeah, thanks. But, um, yeah...

Ben: Sorry. I'm pretty impulsive. Ok, so, I'll see you next Thursday!

Me: (Holy shit. What the hell? Did I kinda' like that?) Yeah. Ok. Bye.

I walk over to the subway platform and wipe the sweat from my face. I get a weird paranoia that suddenly everyone must know that Ben just tried to kiss me. I look over across the train tracks and see Ben waiting on the other side for his train. He smiles and waves. I wave back before my train pulls in and I board. I sit down and smile despite myself. I don’t know how I feel about Ben. I’m giving him a call-back. I vacantly stare across the subway car. A man with a shockingly pink head of hair catches my eye and smiles. I smile back.

Life is so crazy.

-Natalie

Romps through a recycled Highline

Yesterday I went on my fourth blind date.

I'll preface this with a couple of reasons as to why I am going on blind dates:

I decided that since the ex was getting married this month, and I've been single now for a year and a half, I should get myself "out there" and meet new people. Where do I meet these new people, though? I'm not a big drinker, I don't go clubbing, I rarely sit in cafe's for hours and people watch, and I don't often get hit on by the customers I serve at my job. So: I decided to try the online dating bonanza that seems to hit people and start "1 out of 5" relationships. Why can't that happen for me?

I went on to Match.com for the first time three weeks ago and went on three blind dates through that service.

Guy #1: Zach

Me: So, what do your parents do?

Zach: My dad is an engineer and my mom has Parkinsons.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! What does she do otherwise?

Zach: Parkinsons. (with no hint of irony, I might add)

Me: ...So... She just sits around the house all day and has parkinsons?

Zach: Yeah.

Me: Well, you told me they just came to visit you up here in New York, so I guess she does that every now and then when she needs a break from all the Parkinsons she is doing all day.

Zach: Yeah, I guess so.

Guy#2 Sketckh (no, I did not misspell the name)

Me: So, Sketch is quite an unusual name--

Sk.: Yeah, haha! That's a long interesting story...

Me: Oh, is it no--

Sk: ...so when I was young I was dealing with a lot of issues and I would draw a lot, just whip out my pencil and sketch all types of things. Growing up it was just me and my mom, you see. Well one day I was sitting in an office, at school, haha... sketching... and my mom was sitting next to me and this guy, haha! This is funny: this guy comes up to me and my mom and says "well looks like we got a missus and a sketch" on our hands. And the name stuck ever since. But as I was growing up my drawings were getting more and more sophisticated and my mom told me that in order to be a more professional artist I needed to make a signature that was all my own, a way that no other artist could copy my work, and, being that I was only 10 at this point I just added a 'K' to my name. Pretty cool, huh? That's kind of impressive for a 10 year old to come up with, haha! no one has my name and it is completely original and...

Me: Wow, sounds like you like to draw a lo--

Sk.: Oh yeah! I draw all the time, everywhere I go. Infact I like to go to comi-con conventions and walk around the art stalls, Haha! I can spend, literally, 800 dollars in one day at those things, it's what I live for, I love supporting those artists...

Me: yeah those guys can really do good--

Sk.: yeah haha! They do great stuff. You know, it's a funny story, Once...

Guy #3 Can'tevenrememberhisname

Me: Have you ever had Ethiopian food before?

Can'tname: No, I had Indian once.

Me: Oh! great, Ethiopian is very similar in a lot of ways. It's a meal you eat with your hands.

Can'tname: Wow. That's cool.

Me: What is your favorite food?

Can'tname: Oh, I like good food.

Me:...Such as?

Can'tname: You know, like, my mom cooks really good.

Me: (Pause) What does she cook that you like the most?

Can'tname: Chicken. Really good Chicken.

Me: Oh, ok! I like Chicken too. I've gone vegetarian though, so I haven't had Chicken in a while! We can order some now if you like. This place has some great dishes. (I order some food) So, *Insert name here* what do you do for a living?

Can'tname: I'm in marketing for Food Network

Me: WOW! that's awesome! What do you do for them?

Can'tname: Marketing stuff.

Me:...uh huh. (Pause) and what is it that you market?

Can'tname: well, we take a product, and we market it to a specific group of people that we think will like it.

Me: (Holy shit this guy is boring) ...is that what you went to school for?

Can'tname: Yeah.

Me: Oh! Food! Here is the platter we ordered!

Can'tname: (Looks at the food as if looking at a pit falling deep into the chasms of the earth, probably someplace in Mexico that one has only seen in pictures) woah. How do you eat this?

Me: (deeply regretting the choice of cuisine) you tear off a piece of this pancake-like-bread, and you scoop up the food and pop it in to your mouth!

Can'tname: Wow.

After the first 3 duds, I decided to expand my search to other sites. I had heard about OKCupid! and a bunch of success stories from that site and decided to give it a try. I've now been on the site for 2 days and currently have 45 messages in my inbox and counting...

Guy #4: Josh

Me: (Walking along the Chelsea Highline on Manhattan's West Side) So, what brought you to New York?

Josh: I'm a entrepreneur and am starting a business to help promote urban farming and sustainability.

Me: (WINNING!) Woah! you know, my dad and step-mom have a whole farm in their backyard in New Jersey. They're all about that type of stuff. In fact, my dad wants to eventually be a completely sustainable farmer, living entirely off the land.

Josh: Wow, that is exactly what we are trying to promote.

Me: yeah, It's really neat visiting out there, fresh veggies and such, it's so nice to get out of the city sometimes, you know?

Josh: yeah, I split my time between going up to Rhode Island where I work on a farm up there with my business partner's parents.

Me: oh yeah? That sounds cool.

Josh: Yeah, it is. I really like it up there.

Me: (realizing that this guy is really cool, but there is no chemistry. I relax a bit) Want to get a coffee and get out of the sun for a little bit? I'm sweating balls.

Stay tuned for more adventures in my life!

Next date coming very soon...

-Natalie