An Altercation Over An Alteration Of An Article Of Clothing

Things are going really well. I'll get a phone call that asks me to explain the relationship status, then I'll blithely begin to chatter away about the improv I am doing, and maybe divulge how much money I recently spent on some clothes. Life will bump along at an amazing little clip until: an altercation.

My altercation: sitting on a sharp spring poking up through my seat at a theatre and having the said spring chew up the brand new just-wore-them-today-for-the-first-time jeans I bought yesterday.

It's interesting how my "off center" moments now seem to revolve around the fact that my brand spankin new jeans are now good as a salt shaker.

I was seething mad.

I wanted a pound of flesh and a pint of blood.

I wanted to scream at someone and belittle them and make them think I was some powerfully awful bitch by saying things like:

"Do you know who I AM? My Dad's uncle is best friends with a state attorney (bullshit) who is going to sue the hell out of you and this roach infested cesspool you call a theatre! I just spent a shit load of money on these jeans! Probably more than you make in a week! I want you to give me all the money I just spent on these as a compensation and then I want you to Seppuku yourself right in front of me for the horrible dishonor I have been dealt because I sat on a fucking chair that decided to chew my new jeans to shreds! The guilt you should feel should make a Catholic blush! I want you to beg forgiveness! Cry unto the heavens and beg solace from the the almighty because the chair I just sat on poked some holes in my denim! O say naught but Woe for that shall be thou name, Thou foul, detestable, boil of a creature! DIIIIIEEEE!!!!" Then a lightning bolt will fall from the sky and strike the person dead. *Scene*

Ok, so I won't go Shakespearean... I'll only blog about it and all the poor interns who work at the theatre I was just at should send a little prayer of thankfulness my way for not following through on that rant and eventual death.

Chewed up jeans aside, if this is the only thing that can throw my mood, I'm a very lucky person. Ok, fates. I learned my lesson: Don't EVER wear anything expensive or anything with an emotional attachment to a show. Let's just keep the theatre and comedy to grunge and sweatpants for the time being. 'K. Got it.

*Scene*

The Boyfriend

Some quick highlights:

#1: Beautiful day. Walking. MoMa in Queens. Wow. You're cute. See you soon.

#2: Yes, Let's get wine. Talk Talk Talk. Mmmmm....

#3: Hi. Makeout. Talk. Makeout. Talk. Walk. Makeout.

#4: Meet my Sister. Talk Talk Talk. Wow.

#5: Are we dating? Cause this is outstanding.

#6: I'm gonna leave my tooth brush here.

#7: Yes. I'll be your Girlfriend. Yes.

Ok, so it might have happened with slightly more time details and more bullet points, but I've leapt head long into a relationship with Serendipity.

The amazing part of this relationship is calling it one. I couldn't believe how much of a bold statement I was making when I announced that I had a boyfriend. Even saying that I have a boyfriend seems so, high school? I'm so used to being single and dating occasionally that it was quite the shock to have a guy in my life that I am making future plans with. "You mean: We might be dating in another two weeks? I won't not see you again?"

Plus, Serendipity and I met on the streets of New York. I was hustling and he was bustling and yet, in the stream of on going movement, we had locked eyes and struck up a conversation that eventually lead to all of the events leading up to me in my kitchen writing this blog post. Serendipity is not on Facebook, doesn't text a whole lot, and doesn't keep a blog, but I met him the "Old Fashioned way".

I'll have more to report once my brain stops reeling from this relationship I've jumped into head first.

A Quick Lesson

Me: (Walking down 34th Avenue in Queens toward Astoria, listening to music) La la la la, I'm hot shit, la la la. Music is nice. It's such a pretty day. Wow, look at the blue sky. Gonna meet an old friend and mentor from college and we'll work on developing my Solo Show. Hmm. I wonder what time it is. (Pulls out cell phone to check) Oh, I'm right on time-

Time Slows. The World pauses as I get airborne. The concrete raised it's ugly head and grabbed my left foot forcing me into a full on sprawl that left me kissing the pavement in the middle of the street. I got up very quickly, not even assessing the damage, instead I look around to see if there were any witnesses to the magical pavement monster that just tripped me.

No one had even batted an eyelash.

Me: (now walking quickly away from the scene of the attack) Ow. Ow ow ow ow. My foot hurts. That was really stupid. I was just the a typical brunette white girl wearing her designer footwear, rocking her designer sunglasses and pulling out her iPhone 4 to check some information and because I was't paying any attention to the world around me, the pavement monster just tripped me. (laughing hysterically). This is the second fall I've had this week! I fell on the stairs on my way out of the train station. I have a huge bruise on my left arm and right knee to prove it. except that wasn't even caused by a lack of attention, just plain clumsiness. I'll just keep showing up to work with more bruises and the excuses are pretty funny. Like, what a battered wife would say when she shows up all damaged. "No, really, I fell down the stairs" and "yeah, I did really trip in the street"

Laughing it off made the hurt stop. Laughter really is the best medicine. Oh, and I'll try hard not to zone out from the world around me next time I decide to go for a walk. Ok, lesson learned. I don't need to trip again.