I'll be out of here, soon. I repeated to myself, over and over, as the night marched on. I felt the heaviness of being at work working its way into my shoulders, circling my neck and stepping on my chest. I felt like a sunflower being put in the closet again.
The problem is not that I hate my day-job. More that I hate having to have a day job. As I scroll through the newsfeed on my Facebook and read inspirational flowery quotes from Rumi about pursuing one's desire in life, I am constantly reminded that in order to achieve the high that the person in the photoshopped photo of birds circling a dude flying through a clear blue sky with the words "FLY TO YOUR DREAMS" written under it; is that I need money to get where I want to go. Or, at least get me started. Otherwise, my life is awesome! Whenever I am not going into work for someone else's time, I am filling my time with stuff I love to do!
Let's face it, dreaming is not where I am lacking. I am lacking in moolah! If I had 10,000 bucks right now, I'd piss off on a world-wind adventure to Australia and not come back for a year. I'm planning on doing just that next year, but until then, I have to go cross-eyed at the big white smiles of crinkly Japanese men who are laughing over a caption that says something like: "Live Your life, Friend." Well, thanks, useless photo, I AM living my life. I, however, am actively trying to live it even better! Fuller! with more experience! So, if you have a game plan and itinerary and can get me in contact with an A.D. at an improv theatre in Melbourne THAT would be a great help in getting me closer to "Living My Life." Now, however, you are just a weird, happy, white-toothed, Japanese man who probably doesn't know his face has gone viral on social media sites around the globe. But I digress...
My day job is where I feel I spend a whole lot of time griping about the woes of having to sell my precious time to a boss I feel under values me and work for a place that, in the grand scheme of my life, is really just a stepping stone. I have to drag my sorry butt in there a couple times a week, though, smile through the whole thing, and then, at the end of the night, count out my tips and salt away what I can with the real inspirational photos going through my brain. In my head's newsfeed I see: Me, standing at the top of a sand dune, an ocean in the background, and underneath the photo is a caption saying: "Here You Are Doing Something Scary And Different."
I've been using Improv as my sunshine. It helps feed me and expand me. I want to go and coach improv in another country. I want to combine my love of creative expression through improv and writing, and my love of travel into one ridiculously awesome new chapter of my life. I've now spent over three years in New York since I got back from college and post-college activities and I feel like it's time to take the next phase of my life into my own hands and go somewhere new. Scary. But, it makes me light up, so that even when I'm back in that closet of a day-job the tiny sunshine of my dreams makes me keep working.
"I'LL BE OUT OF HERE SOON." Is the caption of the current inspirational photo which consists of me scrubbing the hard wax off of a table top. Almost there...
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