Boredom

I know some people would probably relish the idea of days on end with nothing to do, but I am not that kind of person. I have always been ready to jump into the next activity and to finish projects and get involved and be so busy that I can't remember how many hours of sleep I got the night before. I like being busy, but only with stuff I want to do.

In college I was a member of an executive board that gave me so many tasks I felt run ragged by the end of the day. I didn't have time to do theatre, I barely had a moment to myself and I didn't feel fulfilled by the tasks I needed to manage like organizing meetings, visiting important people, and counseling students with what they needed to accomplish. At the end of every week I would look back on all that I had done and felt so drained, not fulfilled.

Now, I feel like I am going through the opposite problem. Boredom is exhausting, too. Fear comes behind that boredom, as well. I have fears that I am wasting my life by sitting around and watching entire seasons of shows on Netflix. I fear that I will waste any momentum I've gained in my career and that I'll never emerge from this stalled situation and somehow be doomed to a life of never amounting to very much. Yikes. Not what I want! Yet, why am I in that state and not actively pursuing more of what can make me happy?

Control is an important factor in curing boredom. I had a talk with a friend of mine a couple nights ago who said that Boredom is a tricky state to be in. That there are always other things working when the mind is idle and listless: The "shark under the surface" like, depression and worry. So, having a sense of control on whatever it is I am doing has helped me feel like I am not slipping into the oblivion of neglect. I can control my own life. I can make a difference in what I will be doing tomorrow and next week and next year. By making a commitment to tasking myself with things to do, I find that the hopelessness of "What is my life?" and "Why should I bother getting out of bed at all?" are diminished.

I hope that those out there battling with the fear and anxiety of not knowing what the future will be, and therefore choosing to do nothing but be bored in the life they've chosen, can one day have a realization that they are not victims of circumstance. Taking back your life is a tough choice, and by no means an easy one, but getting control of what you can do with the time we have on this planet is what makes our lives worth living! I wish that for all of you.